The Brunette Beauty on Twitter Tells The Blond Brute to Awake
When I first discovered porn, and of course by this I mean when I made the discovery of porn, the Magellan that I was coasting the high seas on my friend’s mom’s laptop while he was adrift in a dream during a sleepover, it was girls, kissing girls, that I found most extraordinary, revelatory, something-a-something, and worth jerking off to.
It may have been because of being smothered by my mother, or that I could parry watching a girl with a girl into not breaking a sin as, of course sex according to the Bible is man and woman, this conglomeration of titties is just girls wanting to have fun. It may have been that I was too wimpish, too much a sissy, to watch an 18 year old get piledrived by a tank looking mofo on camera. Maybe even I thought girlies just looked more comfortable with another girlie… men naturally being predatory superfluous monsters.
Whatever it was that led me to watch solely pornography featuring women, it was enough of a force to get me to watch every. single. day. of my adolescent life. Again I ponder, was it that my sack was ever drained that I never wanted to watch a full bodied woman laid out and railed by a full chested, thick armed man?
Why didn’t I have an unceasing desire & drive to turn off my iPod touch, or better yet snap it in half, and go find a pretty girl to undress and caress?
As I got older, into my teen years, I began to reckon that to be a man is to watch straight sex; watching girls fuck girls, that was just gay. So I did.
I eased my way in with threesomes, still allowing for the gentleness that a woman loving on a woman allows, and only barely allowing for even the existence of a dick on the face of this Earth, apart from my own of course. It was fun, especially when I’d watch a scene with Riley… I always liked watching Riley.
Riley Reid, the exemplar of the porn star. Setting aside everything with the recent controversy about porn being exploitative, which, as Ye has said, it is… Riley is a superstar. She always to me struck something transcendent. It was as if the camera wasn’t there for her, or that it was and she didn’t mind, or that she really deeply didn’t care that she was catching dick for millions of people to see, or that she knows intuitively that the whole thing about photographs “stealing your soul” or whatever, is baloney. Also I think she really just likes to fuck.
Sometimes a threesome clip would be weird cause it would be as if everybody was trying too hard, like it was over written or over directed. After all the initial lines had been delivered, the brother had stumbled upon his step sis and friend changing, the stepmom had convinced the stepdaughter to let loose and strip in front of the tutor, the step daughter had told her stepdad how hot he was before the stepmom walked in on her taking off his jeans, even after this, the whole sex part was still off kilter. It was as if no matter how one of the female actors had been positioned on the couch, bed, etc., that the other was somehow to be super involved. “Uhh, lick his ass!” “Sit on her face! I don’t care if it’s impossible!” “Mhhuh… kiss her! No not like that! I know she’s riding him but you can figure it out!”
Homemade content, especially when it was a threesome, was my fav. Waaay more relaxed, way more congenial, and (darn it) really good when one of the girls just lets her pal get fucked really well by the boyf and doesn’t scizophrenically somehow get herself involved.
Ok, I reckoned, a girl and guy together, this could be a good thing. In my own life I knew this to be true and I really liked kissing girls. That’s a specific statement I just made. I liked kissing girls. I also adored how pussy felt engulfing my finger, warm and wet and fluid and mhm. My dick though was not invited. That thing was a loose cannon not to mention (#christianity) to have actual intercourse with a girl is binding your souls together and it should be solely reserved for marriage. Other dudes were doing it and they seemed adjusted, confident, worth emulating; irrelevant.
I did in fact start to drift into that more & more extreme sort of sinkhole of porn. Like weird stuff that I don’t want to mention, not because it’s actually that out there, but because it saddens me to think of what these women do to themselves sometimes on camera.
Mostly what I watched was skinny unimposing girls getting fucked. Skinny girls with virtually nonexistent breasts I watched, which most likely was a result of my porn addled, cum lacking video game playing self slowly being deformed, mentally, spiritually & the rest, by the darkness that desires exactly that… me, deformed, unable, unfocused, accepting whatever’s been shlopped onto my plate.
Over time I found my favorite accounts and even started watching some girls that actually did have breasts, but yet still the rest of them had a Barbie doll’s body, indeed the exact women that are responsible for the whole “unrealistic female beauty standards” thing. No, they are not in the wrong for being idyllic looking beings, but they were doing things to my brain and my perception of the world that I walked through, echoing beyond the refracted world of the phone that I stared through.
Oh yes, an interlude. I had a dream that the dildo could replace the man. I was much like the girls in these videos that I watched in that way. I would watch them put their silicon schlongs up against the shower door, on a table or the floor, and I would watch them work themselves with those things. Don’t… watch the ones with the super sized schling-schlongs. Please, they’re scarring.
Watching real couples together was by far my favorite way to enjoy pornography. There was much less anxiety and I felt far more not-totally-fucked-in-the-head after watching these videos.
And yet, I had had enough. I was done with porn. Of course, like when I was done with weed, I wasn’t exactly. It took time and it took relapses, yes relapses. It took seeing the devil in me and doing what I could to outwit him the fucker, and often failing. It took backtracking, back away from hard sex, back to just girls with dildos, back to girls with girls, and then to photos and clips on Reddit of girls taking off their shirts.
In time, I was actually not watching porn. Imagine that: NOT WATCHING PORN! For two days at a time even! I was good. It was better. There even came a day when I was turned on by a walking breathing flesh woman. Imagine that!
I would still find myself back on Reddit searching for a freaking 19 year doing a flipping tit drop with a caption like “do older men like it when I post here?” and yea I would wank it to such.
—
My story is not over (how lame am I for saying that). I strive for greater, subleter, fuller, lovelier; for me. And yet I am here to tell you one thing. Ok two things.
I think, think, I never really came around to watching a guy with a girl in a porn scene because, I did not, do not, aspire to watch some other dude fuck a beautiful woman. I mean, what is that pleb shit? Get the fuck outta here with all that. It’s not even a matter of like, “No, I should be the one fucking her!” Naw, leave that shite to the fourty somethings in the comment section. It’s more than that. It’s fucking, what am I doing? Imma sit here and act like this girl is looking at me when I’m watching a POV? No. Always and every time that she’s getting truly good dick she’ll look away from the camera. Act like she doesn’t! Watch for it… the slight upwards glance as she’s lightly pushing on his thigh at which moment she has lost herself. No longer is this a porn video this is just her taking in this man’s uber, reflexively staring into the heat of the beast’s eyes.
This second thing should be more inspiring to the potential coomer watching, and it’s this. When I search up the JadeTeen account on twitter and look at her gorgeous naked ass, I wanna do pull-ups. I wanna fucking punch something. I wanna fuckin depose a skumfuck politician. I wanna, I wanna…
Don’t be a prick. Porn is just a thing. Live life fully mate and don’t get dragged down by neurotic minutia. And don’t lie to yourself, Josh.
post script – if you seek motivation to cut off the endless cumming, and become powerful, I recommend The Virile Powers of Superb Manhood, a great read from the year 1900, which can be found @ openlibrary.org for free
J.W. 